Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
