Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
