Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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