moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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