We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
