i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
