i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
