he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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