At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize