I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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