Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
