whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
