so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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