I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
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He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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