Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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