My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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