this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
