I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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