Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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