Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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