i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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