I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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