you would pick up someone in the library
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
