HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
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I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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