Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
