He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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