My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i barfeds in our rink
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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