I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
