I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
