His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
