I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
