my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
They took my balls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
