Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
