she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
