Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
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we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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