i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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