Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
