Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
