My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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