i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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