420 ftw
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
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she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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