If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
