Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We're too hungover to prance.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
