In the future we'll all be gay
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
