she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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