Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
