we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
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You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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