Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
