Tell her she can't have a vagina
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
