I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
