I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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