bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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