We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
