I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
