I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize