he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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