we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
