I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
