everyone is single if you try hard enough
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
