i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
